11 Heart-Felt Family Unity Rituals To Give Your Wedding Ceremony Meaning
WHAT'S A "UNITY RITUAL"?
In a previous Blog (9 Ways to Make Your Wedding Meaningful And Special) I talked about including a "Unity Ritual" in your ceremony. But what is a "Unity Ritual?" and how can you create the perfect Ritual for your wedding? This is what we'll explore in this Blog.
Basically, a Unity Ritual (otherwise known as a "Unity Ceremony") is a symbolic ritual performed during your wedding ceremony that represents you both becoming united as a couple. There are also Unity Rituals to represent your families coming together as one.
Unity Rituals aren't necessary to get married, but they help to add significance and meaning to such an important, life-changing event. As more and more couples get married outside of a formal religion, a Unity Ritual can add a spiritual and emotional element that might otherwise be missing. As Christina Baldwin puts it:
"Ritual is the act of sanctifying action - even ordinary action - so that it has meaning. I can light a candle because I need the light or because the candle represents the light I need".
Family Unity Rituals
When I got remarried, it was important to my hubby and I that our ceremony included some kind of symbolic ritual that represented our families coming together as one. The older children also wanted an opportunity to do something during our ceremony to show that they supported our wedding.
In this Blog I'd like to share with you the results of the research I did to find the perfect ritual for us and our family. You will no doubt have heard of the Ring Warming Ritual which is probably the most common way of involving family and guests (our rings are passed among your loved ones who fill them with their love and good wishes), but there are so many more to choose from:
1. FAMILY CANDLE LIGHTING Who doesn't love candles? And, for that matter, lighting candles? There is something really satisfying and spiritual about candles and candlelight.
Unity Candle
A popular Unity Ritual is the Candle Ceremony. This is where the couple light their own candle, and then use both to light one "Unity Candle". This represents the two becoming one.
A sweet variation is to have your children light your candles before the ceremony begins. If you're a blended family, have Mum's kids light Mum's candle, and Dad's kids light his. If you don't have kids yet, your parents can light the candles instead.
Family Candles
A popular variation of the Unity Candle is the Reverse Unity Candle! Once a couple has lit their Unity Candle, it is passed to the wedding party to light their candles, then to the family, then to all the other guests. After the ceremony, guests could keep the candle as a special keepsake, or put them all together on a stand to make a show-stopper display.
Another variation is to have a family set of candles. Each member lights their own candle, and then uses it to add to the single flame of the Family Unity Candle. This is a beautiful and emotional way to bring your family together.
Circle Of Light
For my wedding, our kids lit the eight candles we used to form a circle of light that we then stepped into for our ceremony. This was our own 'take' on a ritual wherein family members light all the candles on the wedding 'altar' before the ceremony begins - a symbolic way of showing support for the marriage, as a first 'task' undertaken together as one united family.
If you'd like to include your wider family, or even all of your guests, get them all to hold a candle and surround you both as you say your vows. Use tealight holders or add a little wax guard on each candle so that their hands are protected.Guests can be asked to send you love and best wishes as they light their candle and encircle you. To be surrounded by all that love is pretty amazing... AND it looks utterly gorgeous at night with all the lights turned off.
2. FAMILY HANDFASTING
Handfasting is an ancient ritual in which the hands of the couple are tied together to symbolise the binding of two lives. There are many variations of this ritual from different cultures and religions; using different types of cords/ribbons and different types of binding 'knots'.
One beautiful way of including your loved ones in your handfasting ceremony is to gather up bits of fabric from them that are meaningful in some way: the hanky that Nana had at her own wedding, fabric from the hem of Mum's wedding dress, a piece of Grandpa's old shirt. These can be pieced together to make a very special 'patchwork' sash. Alternatively, they can be stitched together to form beautiful cords.
Family Ribbons
Another variation is to include your children. Each child selects a ribbon colour that has meaning for them. Then, after the 'formal' handfasting, one at a time each child loops their ribbon around their parent's hands. This is a way of symbolising how the 'knot' formed includes each child, and each child has a role to play keeping the knot tied and strong.
I have yet to find a version of handfasting where the kids hands are tied alongside their parents, but that could be a bit of crazy fun... maybe nearer the end of the wedding ceremony.
Usually involving beer or wine, traditionally the couple each chooses a beer/wine that they like (or that they identify with) and then they each pour their choice into a unity cup. They can both then toast each other and drink from the cup.
A variation is to blend different beers together (sour, bitter, spicy and sweet) to represent the various elements of a marriage.
Family Blend
For younger children, try a drinking chocolate ceremony. Each can add their favourite type. You could have a lot of fun leading up to your wedding trialing different flavours and chocolate types. This is a version of an existing ceremony where milk and dark chocolate are blended, representing uniting in darkness and light, in sweetness and bitterness.
Sweets
Or maybe try blending juices for a fruit punch? Or you could think outside the juice-box and blend favourite sweets. The family 'pick'n'mix blend could then be shared out to your guests afterwards.
For Your Children
In this adorable ceremony, gifts are presented to your children; a tribute to the role they play in your family and in your union as a couple.
For blended families, it's a nice touch if you present a gift to your stepchildren to say 'thanks' for sharing their parent with you and letting you into their lives.
For Your Parents
You can also present gifts to your parents and parents-in-law. It's nice to do this before the wedding; I discuss this in my Blog "9 Ways to Make Your Wedding Meaningful And Special".
5. FAMILY VOWS
Vows To The Kids
These can be some of the most heart-felt and tear-jerking moments of your wedding, especially if you are a stepparent vowing to love your stepkid(s) unconditionally and to be the best stepparent you can be. The kids can get in on the act too, with sibling vows: promising to support and help their new siblings and to strive to be the best brother/sister they can be.
You can also make vows to your in-laws to support and love their child and be the best spouse you can be.
And for a bit of fun, you can make pet vows - especially if you're about to become their stepparent. Your fur babies are part of the family too! I'm sure they'd be delighted if you promised to sneak them treats and give them extra belly-rubs when mum/dad aren't around. 😀
Finally, if you'd like all of your guests to feel included in your ceremony, you can include community vows that everyone recites together.
Are you artistically inclined? Then maybe you could include a Unity Painting Ceremony? Normally, this involves a couple pouring bottles of their favourite paint colours down a canvas to create a really precious keepsake of their day. If you want to add family, get them to add their favourite colours - a happy riot of colour that represents you all as one crazy mix-up.
A beautiful Native American wedding ritual is to drape the couple in a blanket to symbolize the comfort and love they offer each other. A really amazing way to include family and friends is to get them involved in making a patchwork quilt for the couple to use. I had the honour of organising one of these for dear friends. Each contributor designed a square for the quilt, then I helped them sew it and put the squares together. Many tears were shed by all when the quilt was gifted!
Another version is to get guests to trace their hand shape onto fabric and sign it with a permanent marker. These can then be cut out and appliqued onto a blanket.
If your loved ones don't want to get involved in the design and making process, another lovely idea is to get them to gift special fabrics that can be pieced together to create a Crazy Patchwork quilt. If you and or your loved ones are into sewing, working bees leading up to your wedding are a great way to anticipate your big day. AT LLFC, we'd be happy to host workshops for you and prepare everything you'll need for your quilt.
8. WISHING STONES
If you are having a beach or river-side wedding, you could ask your guests to find a stone before the ceremony. Then, have them hold it during the vows and reflect on their own well wishes for you. After the ceremony have someone collect the stones. Display them in a cool container as a special reminder of your big day. No stones where you're getting married? No problem, collect some from places that are special to you both and place them in a basket for guests to choose from when they arrive.
9. LETTER WRITING
Another great idea for a family unity ritual is letter writing. A common variation is to get your family (and all of your guests if you'd like) to write you a letter of support and love. Then, during your wedding ceremony, they each 'post' their letter into a box that is opened on your first wedding anniversary. It's a nice idea to include this with a wine box ceremony where you nail closed a box of special wine to be opened and enjoyed on your anniversary.
'Love' Letters
An adorable and heart-warming version of this that I came across was to get close family members (including even the young kids) to write down their definition of 'love' and then read it out during your wedding. What a lovely alternative to the usual wedding readings and poems.
10. COMMUNITY BOUQUETS
As a flower fanatic, I adore this idea: hand out single flowers/small bunches to guests. As the bride walks down the aisle, they hand their flowers to her to form a bouquet. The last flower is from the groom.
Alternatively, during the ceremony guests can walk up and place their flower into a community arrangement, sending best wishes to the couple as they do.
11. FAMILY SAND CEREMONY
Another very common Unity Ritual is the Sand Ceremony where the couple pours different coloured sand into a bottle to represent the two becoming one. Families can be included by giving them each their own coloured sand. A bonus of the Family Sand Ceremony, is that you have a lovely keepsake to remind you of your wedding and the bond between you all.
And for a more meaningful (but perhaps less colourful) version, get your family to scoop some soil from a place they love and is important to them. They could then contribute their scoop. Maybe you could plant a tree with the soil as a permanent reminder of your day.
LET US HELP YOU
Including one or more of these rituals in your wedding ceremony will make it so much more personal and special to you both. I have heard (and read) time and again about couples regretting that they didn't put enough effort and emphasis into their wedding ceremony, but never that they did too much. You get one shot at this life-changing event, so make the most of it for yourselves and for your family.
The thought of organising a Unity Ritual may seem daunting, but it needn't be. Your Celebrant can help structure the ceremony to include it and we can help source everything you might need for it (candle holders, sand jars, etc). We can also design and install the perfect ceremony space to accommodate your ritual.
Further, through our bespoke crafting services, we can prepare any special items you may need: hand-made ribbons and sashes for a hand-fasting, patchwork quilt sewing, decorated candles and candle-holders, personalised stationery, and so on.
If you'd like to chat about ideas, please get in touch. My initial consultation is complimentary and I'd love to brainstorm ideas with you:
Lyndal@littlelaceflowercompany.co.nz
Photo thanks: Chris and Melanie from thephoto.nz, Jo from Jo Moore Photographer. Unsplash Photographers: Wijdan Mq, Victoria Priessnitz, Nathan Bang, , Ty Welch, Keenan Beasley, Missy Fant, Georgia de Lotz and Fiona Murray.
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